Prayers for the Overwhelmed

On the eve of my second PATH training class, I put this post out there to ask for your prayers. I have been quite overwhelmed lately by busyness in my life. It's all stuff that I've chosen to do and that I feel passionate about, but it's taking up a lot of time none-the-less. With that comes a deep feeling of panic. I feel as though I'm starting to dip below the surface of the water and can not get enough breath. Just when I make it to the top to gulp in, the waves push me down again. Is this an indication of things to come? Is this a glimpse of how my life as a mother will be? Heavens, I hope not. I am usually pretty busy doing "stuff" and pretty bad at saying "no". But even in my busiest times, I sit for an evening and feel guilty because that time is not full. For the first time in a long time, I am ready to admit that at this time in my life, I am officially over-committed. I don't feel like it's appropriate for me to go into details of all of the irons I have in the fire right now, but trust me when I say, it's got to be pretty bad for me to even admit that I'm over-committed. So, things have begun to fall by the wayside. I've had to look carefully at the things that I'm doing and decide what is most valuable. The things that are far down on the list and take much of my time have to be put to the side. I've already dropped one of my classes that I was working on for my Plus-30. At this point in my life, finding my child is more important than furthering my education. I am still in another class, but the class I dropped was going to be too much work for this season on my life and I wanted to be able to take more time to fill out my foster parenting paperwork. I knew that if I had the choice to fill out my PATH paperwork or do homework for my class, the PATH paperwork would always rise to the top and I wouldn't be working for excellence in my schoolwork.

So yes, as you see me at church, around town, on Facebook, or through the phone you may find me with bags under my eyes, a blank stare on my face, a quiet voice, an exhausted tone, or at loss for words ~ but I am ok. Please just pray that I will be obedient to what God wants me to do right now in my life and in the path that He's chosen for me. Hugs are great. Pats on the back are welcome. Gift certificates for spas are lovely. (just kidding) Please just keep praying that I can work through the necessities of life. . . that I can do what God is truly asking me to do and say no to the other things.

Thank you for praying friends. . .

Oh yes, and by the way, I went with the blue sharpie pens. . .

Sharpies, Post-it notes, and favorite pens

People will probably think I'm nuts, but I'm one of those individuals that junk mail was created for. I love to read junk mail, and will fill out virtually any survey or form that comes my way. I have even been known to fill in forms for other people just so I can have the pleasure of filling in those little blanks. I ooze over the sight of a sharpie marker. I crave sticky notes. I am tickled pink with the thought of a bubble sheet to fill in an answer sheet. Give it to me. . . multiple choice. . . fill in the blank. . . true/false. . . whatever you have. . . give it to me and I am in heaven! The mere thought of being able to use my fingers to communicate my feelings on a piece of paper makes my heart soar!

So now that you know that I'm officially crazy, tonight's PATH training was such an interesting experience. The meeting started at 6pm and I was there early so that I could be sure I knew where I was going, and didn't walk in late. I was nervous to go because I didn't know what would happen once I got there. The thought of meeting new people doesn't scare me. The thought of sharing my story doesn't scare me. The paperwork doesn't scare me. It's simply the "unknown" that puts me on edge. Will the instructor be boring? Will I feel like I know the most out of anyone, instructor included? Will I feel like I don't know ANYTHING? Thankfully, all of my fears were put to rest. The room was half full when I got there, and by the time the class was 15 minutes into the session, I was grateful that I was early as they had to pull in chairs and other tables. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I wasn't the only single person there. The mix of people was interesting. Single people, married people, retired people, people who have been through training before, and people that were as green as I! The instructor, Marcee, was extremely pleasant, but not sugary, and very professional. . . even through some pretty persistent people.

The meeting tonight was basically an orientation to explain the "resource parent" to everyone and to give information so that people could decide if this path was the one that they should be traveling. I was extremely surprised and super excited to learn that the home study process starts as soon as next week! I was under the impression that the home study would take 3-6 months to complete and the process wouldn't begin until the conclusion of PATH training. The truth is that I can start filling out my paperwork next week, and by week three I will be contacted to start my home study meetings. For those of you who aren't fabulous at math, like me, that translates into me possibly having a child placed with me as early as June! Apparently, DCS and the home study case workers only have 90 days to write (finish) my home study from the conclusion of PATH training. WOW! Can you believe that??

Of course, there was information that was presented that was initially disheartening to me. Marcee told us that the goal of the "resource" parent is to give the child a stable home while they are waiting to be returned to their birth parents. She said that last year 67% of kids in foster care were reunified with their birth parents after their stay in foster care. Only 14% of the children were adopted. My heart sank at that number. But, just as quickly as it sank, my heart rebounded when I was reminded (by the Holy Spirit, no doubt) that my God doesn't pay attention to numbers. My God is MUCH bigger than 14%. My God is even bigger than 1%. I believe with my whole heart that God is leading me down this path of fostering to adopt and I do not believe that My God would lead me down a dead end. God will make it happen. How will it happen? I have no idea. Will it be easy? I'm betting not. How will the details work out? This may sound flippant to you, but that's not my problem. I don't have ANY idea how GOD is going to work it all out. All I know is that He's asked me to be obedient and I'm doing my absolute best to follow His leading.

So Marcee kept mentioning this "binder" of paperwork that we will be receiving next week with all of our information in it that we have to fill out. My heart started racing. My eyes darted around the room. Why can't I have it tonight? Why do I have to wait a WHOLE week to get my hot little hands on it?? I even packed my favorite pen in my purse tonight so I could get started!!!

But, I must be patient. I filled out the three forms that I was given with gusto. She commented to the group that it was ok if we had to take it home, fill it out,and return it next week. Are you nutso!!?? No way!!! I'll sit right here with my favorite pen and fill out this paperwork. I even started texting friends for their addresses and permission so I could list them as references! The faster I turn this paperwork in, the faster I find my child, right? Well. Take it now. Process it in the morning. Get busy helping me find my child!!

So, my plan this weekend is to make a trip to Office Depot. I've had my eye on those new sharpie pens. You know, the ones that don't bleed through the paper? They're a bit more costly than the other pens I have, but I can think of no better reason to spend an extra dollar or two on a pen than to be able to fill out ALL of my paperwork to bring my child home. Now the only question I have left. . . blue or black?

Mommy from Downstairs

There are few things a teacher likes better than a snow day. There is something crazy exciting about your superintendent saying "It's okay teachers, take the day off. Oh, and yes, we'll pay you!" As much as I adore teaching, snow days are fun stuff! But, for the first time in my life as a teacher, I was torn. Oh to have a day to sleep in! But, will my PATH training class be cancelled? If it will, I can brave school! I can make it!! But, no, the snow fell. The temperatures stayed frigid. The schools closed. And my first PATH class (Parents As Tender Healers; foster parenting) was cancelled. **sigh** I guess you take the bad with the good. I'll call early next week, but I am thinking they'll just push the classes back a week and we'll start next Thursday instead.

I had a delightful visit with a friend last weekend. I met Stacey on Facebook (of all places!!) through a couple of mutual friends. She lives on the other side of the state and has a wealth of knowledge that she has shared with me regarding fostering and adoption though the foster care system. She adopted her two precious boys, "B" and "R" several years ago. She sent me a message a few weeks ago that said that she was planning on coming to the Nashville area for a visit. I immediately offered that she and the boys could stay with me. So, she took me up on it and I was so blessed! Her boys are such sweet babies. . . They heaped me with hugs, and loved on me like I was family. They stayed the night on Sunday, and Stacey smiled as she told me that "R" made the comment when he woke up, "Where's the mommy from downstairs?" What a precious comment!!

I was able to stay up chatting until 11p (for those who know me well, (!) 11PM!!) and her encouragement for my journey was an enormous blessing. She is a fantastic mother, and those boys are taken care of in amazing ways.

So, my adoption journey is still on its way although it's been a little slower than I had hoped. I am trusting that God is preparing me for each step and that He is caring for my child in my absence.

Fighting it off

I have made some contacts this week that have not been as encouraging as I had hoped. I spoke with a woman at Department of Children Services (after 3 rounds of phone tag) that took my initial information; name, # of children interested in, county of residence, ect. She then promised that she would pass the information on to the person in my county that was responsible for placement. She said that I should expect a call within a week's time. I thought, "Yeah, right." (Insert sarcastic huff here.) Thankfully, and much to my surprise, I recieved a call the next day from the Sumner County DCS worker. He gave me valuable information about the PATH training that I'm going to be taking, and took some more information about me. I told him that I was most interested in a child 4-8 years old. His response to me was there are not many children in this age group that are open for fostering to adopt because they are typically returned to their biological homes. He did say that there are plenty of teenagers that need homes. Oh gracious! Teenagers?? What does this mean to me? At first, I felt like maybe I was headed down the wrong path. Maybe I should be going through a private agency? Should I pursue domestic adoption instead of fostering to adopt? I have to fight off the voices in my head, because my God is in control. My desire to mother a child of this certain age has not changed. While the DCS worker says it's rare for this age child to be available in the foster to adopt system, my God specializes in miracles. If this is truly God's desire for me, it will happen. I may have to wait longer. I may have to suffer some brokeness and heartache. But my God is bigger than any timeline, and has abundant love and comfort for the brokenhearted.

So, here I sit. . . fighting off the first round (of many to come, I'm sure) of doubts. Knowing that God is faithful. Knowing that this decision for me to pursue adoption is GOD'S request of me. Yes, I have always wanted to be a mother. Yes, I have waited a long time to do it. But NO. . . I didn't consider single motherhood by choice until God laid it on my heart.

Thank you for your concern and prayers for me. Thank you for asking me how things are going. I'm blessed by talking about it, talking through it, and by hearing your opinions, feelings, and thoughts. Have a blessed week.

(Oh yeah, and by the way. . . I start my PATH training classes January 7, 2010.)
"I press on toward the goal. . ."

Information Overload

This week, I have thrown myself into the information highway and have found that I am more confused than ever. I have done internet searches. I have read an adoption book. I have printed massive handbooks and read them. I am no closer to finding my child this week than I was last week. My brain is swimming with all of the facts and not even sure where to start. I was able to send in a request online to talk to someone at a state agency, only to find when I spoke with them the next day that they are not the people that I need to talk with. This agency was a stage agency that took care of placing foster kids, but the children they work with are ages 11-17. The good thing out of that conversation was that the woman was able to send me an informational e-mail and a promise that she would drop some information in the mail to me. So, now I'll wait a few days to recieve this information from her regarding the PATH training which is the mandatory training that prospective foster parents go through prior to applying. I've looked at the PATH training schedule online, but it's just about like reading baseball stats. . . unless you know what you're looking at, forget it.

The best thing that happened this week was meeting a new friend. Two friends from church who are sisters told me that they had a friend that is a single mom of two boys that she adopted through the foster system. The kicker is that she adopted as a single mom. . . Thank you Lord! Finally, someone like me! I have had oodles of people come out of the woodwork and open their hearts to me about their adoption journies or to offer someone that they know that would be "willing to talk to me about adoption". While all these people are SO helpful and incredibly valuable, the one thing I was craving was to meet someone like myself who is single, who's always been single, and who had successfully adopted. My friends from church contacted this friend of theirs on Facebook, and she in turn contacted me. My heart soared when I talked to her. Finally! Someone who REALLY knows where I'm coming from. Someone who has felt the pressure of knowing that God is leading you to adoption and not having a clue where the support is going to come from. Someone who is content with her singleness and status as a mom. I am so thankful for this new friendship and can't wait to find out more information from her. Truth be known, it was through her leading that I was able to find the website where I put in my information and recieved the call I spoke about earlier. She is such a blessing to me.

Will you please pray for me this week? Please pray that I will continue to knock on doors and get answers that I need in order to find my child. Please pray that I will continue to wrestle with and answer the questions that are posed to me about my future from family and friends. Thanks again for your support.