Choices. . .

As I walk this road, I realize that I am completely alone. Don't get me wrong. I have countless friends, family, supporters, and cheerleaders that are coaching me and cheering me on from the side. But when the rubber meets the road, I am the one that has to make the final decision. Whether you agree with my decisions or not, I am the one that has to live with them.

I am a person that craves feedback. I always want to make the right decision, and (right or wrong) look to others to help me in my decisions. I take opinions and suggestions very seriously and consider if they will work for me or not. Sometimes, people influence my decisions and sometimes they do not. So, I need your help. Here's what I'm thinking so far. . .

Domestic or International? I am leaning towards domestic. I served for 4 years on the mission field here in Nashville prior to my teaching career. I chose home missions because I feel very strongly that we need to first minister to the needs of those in our Jerusalem. That is NOT to say that I do not value foreign missions - on the contrary. But God called me to home missions because of my passion for teaching the gospel where I am. I understand and agree that there are SO many children that need homes from Russia, Ethiopia, South America, and a whole host of other areas. But I also know that there are a whole host of children that need homes that are from the US.

What age? Realistically thinking, I'm not sure that I see myself raising an infant. Those formative years are SO important and a time that I would LOVE to be a part of, but as a single mother, I know that they only option would be to have a daycare raise my child as I wouldn't be able to stay home. There are some amazing daycare's out there; Daycare's that are focused on training and teaching children in positive ways. . . I'm definitely not down on daycare. . . but I am not sure that would be the best option for my child. Maybe it's selfishness or a lack of trust for finances. . . why would I want to pay $800 - $1000 a month, when, if I had an older child, I could take them to school with me? So, that's why I'm leaning towards an "older" child. . .maybe 4 or 5.

Male or Female? I feel as though I'm most equipped to raise a girl. I certainly won't close my home to a boy, but I feel very strongly that a boy needs a father-figure. I have a strong church family, and an incredible family - but I'm not sure it's fair to any of them to assume that they will take on the father-figure role.

So - based on the age of child that I'm focusing on, and the domestic issue, I am wondering about fostering to adopt. I realize that most of the time the children in the foster care system are really hurting. They are struggling with a whole host of issues that I have never experienced and know little about. I feel very strongly that God will give me the skills that I need to raise a child in this situation. I've been looking at the Tennessee State Foster Care website and am brought to tears by so many of the videos and biographies of children looking for homes. How is it that a child, a child, has to market themselves for a home? How sad is that - that a child needs to put himself out there for others to look at and choose or reject.

So what are your thoughts? Have anything you'd like to share?